Attention: Whoever thought it was amusing to bring the dust bunnies under the main reading table to life and to endow them with the gift of speech deserves to be poked and put on dungeon scrubbing duty. Please return them to their natural non-sentient state or at least move them to a less populated locale where they will be less of a bother.

Attention: Due to the results of a recent study founded by the Mauritania Swimming Safety Commission, swimming in the River Styx is not recommended. It has been shown conclusively that some strange feature of the water contained therein may lead to severe memory loss.

Attention: It has been brought to my attention that a tree has fallen in the Barbarian's Forest. Jaana the Barbarian has generously volunteered to conduct the funeral ceremonies. See the Queen or Jaana for details. The bereaved request that mourners bring watering cans or pot soil and not flowers, as the flowers are good friends of the trees, and the trees would not wish their friends to give up their own lives solely to commemorate the occasion.

Attention: The Rocking Chair Commission is holding a public meeting on the effects of rocking chairs on stress levels in the community. The Commission will publish the meeting notes in the daily bulletin for those unable to attend. More details to follow on the proper location and time.